Sleeping Pills
by Saint Louise
Summary: Oh, angel...don't take those sleeping pills. You don't need them, give me the time they kill...
1. Default Chapter

Sleeping Pills

_Oh, angel  
Don't take those sleeping pills  
You don't need them  
Give me the time they kill_  
'Sleeping Pills' - Suede

Elena was almost always packed up to the eyeballs on downers these days. Rude wondered if the killing, the destroying of lives had finally taken its toll on her. It didn't bother Reno; but then again, Rude was very nearly sure he saw a glint of something like sadism in Reno's eyes recently. Deep down, Rude suspected that he himself was tiring of dealing in death, but he knew he would never give up his job. Sighing inwardly, he turned his attention back to Reno's seemingly endless diatribe about What Was Wrong With Elena.  
"I swear, man, it's ever since Tseng kicked it." Reno sniffed sharply and rubbed his nose absently. Rude noted with some amusement that Reno had been remarkably quick on taking over their former boss' fondness for cocaine, claiming that Tseng 'wouldn't have wanted his stash to go to waste'.  
"I don't know, Reno," he said. "Even before Tseng disappeared, she's been distant."  
Reno shrugged. "Sleeping pills, headache pills, Valium…she does more drugs than me these days."  
Rude snorted. "I didn't think that was possible. It's a wonder you can hold down your job."  
The red-haired Turk waved a hand vaguely. "I'm good at it. Who else would do Rufus' dirty work?"  
"But we're not here to talk about your work ethic, or lack of." Rude shook his head. "I really think one of us should say something to Elena."  
"Not me." Reno held up his hands. "The hell can I say? I'm no good at that kind of stuff."  
Rude was silent, so Reno continued speaking after a small pause. "I mean…c'mon, Rude. I know you hate speeches and all, but you're a better man for the job than me. I wouldn't even know where to start."  
After a long silence, Rude nodded. "I suppose you're right. But I'm not entirely sure what to say, either."  
Their conversation was interrupted at that point by Elena entering the breakroom, looking slightly dazed. Reno frowned momentarily at Rude, and turned to look.  
"…You okay?" he offered. Rude stood up.  
"I'm fine, thank you." Elena said distantly. She went over to the small medicine cabinet in one corner of the room and started rifling through it.  
"You don't need those," Rude said suddenly, forcefully. Elena turned and shot him a puzzled look, holding up a package of sticking plasters.  
"I know I don't, they're not for me. There's none left in the office cupboard."  
Reno sniggered under his breath and Rude brushed a hand across his forehead, momentarily embarrassed. "Right. Sorry about that. I thought…"  
"You thought…?" Elena pursed her lips. "You thought I was looking for aspirin, right?"  
"Well…" Rude trailed off, not knowing what to say.  
"I'm fine, Rude!" Elena snapped, turning to walk away. "I'm not about to do myself in, so just stop pestering me! I'm not _that_ devastated about Tseng, now leave me alone!"  
Reno rubbed at his nose again and exhaled a long plume of cigarette smoke as the door slammed behind the female Turk. "Ouch."  
"That…didn't go too well," Rude agreed. He slumped back into his seat heavily, grabbing his mug of lukewarm coffee.  
"Told you it was about Tseng, though." Reno nodded. "She wouldn't mention him otherwise. Guilty conscience."  
Rude took a slug of coffee and nodded too. "I'm just worried she'll progress to having nothing but a line of speed on her breakfast plate in the morning."  
Reno gave his friend an odd look. "What's wrong with that?"  
Rude rolled his eyes, although because they were behind the omnipresent shades, the effect was lost on Reno. "It's okay for you, but not for Elena. Something tells me she wouldn't be able to mirror the mutual respect you and drugs have for each other."  
Reno grinned, despite the subject matter. "Nobody can. But, yeah, I know what you mean. She's headed for a breakdown or somethin'."  
"That's what I'm worried about." Rude affirmed. He looked at his watch and made a face. "We better get back in the office so Elena can take her break. She'll kill you if you delay her reports again."  
"Right, right." Reno said. He made a face too, standing up. "Fucking paperwork."

Back in the Turks' office, Elena paid no attention to either of her colleagues as they came in. She merely grabbed her coat and walked out, slamming the door behind her.  
"Jesus!" Reno exclaimed angrily. "Talk about PMS."  
Rude looked up suddenly. "Reno, do you think it would be okay if…"  
Reno raised his eyebrows. "If?"  
"If we look in her desk drawers. She might have whatever she's taking in there. You know, just so we can be sure."  
Reno considered this for a moment. "Good plan, buddy. But if there's any Tampax in there, you're on your own."  
Rude allowed himself a fleeting smile and moved over to Elena's unoccupied desk, Reno following. Gingerly, he eased one of the small drawers open, peering inside. Reno jostled his way behind the desk, keeping one eye on the door. His attention was distracted, however, by a small blue bottle placed almost out of sight at the back of one of Elena's shelves.  
"Hey," he said. "Diazepam. I used to take that when I was—"  
"…coming off heroin." Rude finished, his voice slightly shaky. "You don't think…?"  
Reno laughed. "Come off it! I'd know if she was on junk, Rude. They don't lie when they say it takes one to know one."  
"Then what are they, Reno?" the tall man asked, studying the pills.  
"Tranquilisers, I think." Reno answered. "I know they do a good job knocking you out. That's what I used 'em for."  
Rude put the bottle back carefully and massaged his temples, looking slightly pained. "It's getting worse."  
"The plot thickens." Reno agreed. A movement outside in the hallway made him jump, and he scurried back to his desk, signalling to Rude to do the same. Rude followed, but they needn't have worried. The door opened to reveal a rather frustrated looking Heidegger.  
"Where is she?" he asked, not bothering to greet them.  
"On her break, sir," Rude answered mechanically. "Can we help?"  
Heidegger pursed his lips. "Try teaching her how to type." he snapped, throwing a report down onto Reno's desk, which was the nearest. "If I get one more report that looks as shoddy as this, she's had it. And you can tell her that! I've half a mind to tell the president!"  
As Heidegger stormed out, Reno cast a cursory eye over the report. It was full of formatting errors and grammar mistakes, as if Elena had written it half-asleep. He raised his eyebrows so high they were hidden by his messy fringe and tossed the papers to Rude.  
"…Not good." was all Rude said, and Reno indicated his agreement.  
"Nope. Not even I've ever handed in a report that looked as bad as that."  
"No," Rude said, a hint of amusement in his tone. "You just got me to write them for you."  
Reno pulled a face. "Thereby showing my initiative and ensuring that the Department of Administrative Research was not shamed by its employees."  
Rude laughed then, shaking his head. "I suppose. But…I'm really worried, Reno. Elena's usually so damn fussy about how her reports look. And from what Heidegger said, this isn't the first time this has happened."  
"Why'd she have to go pick a time like this to get depressed!" Reno asked, scowling. "We're due a vacation soon, and if we don't get it, I'm gonna fucking kill her."  
"Well, the way you two talk, it seems as if I might kill myself first." said an icy voice from the doorway.  
"Elena!" Rude said, looking slightly panicked. Reno merely glared at her from his desk.  
"Well, honestly," he snapped. "I knew you were weak, but I thought it was just the way you acted. Now I know you're weak in the fuckin' _head_."  
Elena drained of all colour and leaned on the doorframe, suddenly immobile. "What right have you got to say that!" she yelled back. "You're the one with all of the addictions!"  
Reno stood up, enraged. "Yeah," he said coldly. "But I'm not the one cryin' himself to sleep at night and taking all the fucking pills he can find, am I? I'll leave that to you."  
"Reno!" boomed Rude in his deep baritone. "There's no need for that. Leave it."  
Elena had simply stood throughout Reno's invective, speechless. Now she seemed to find herself again, turning and running out of the office. Rude turned to his friend and sighed. "Maybe that wasn't the best way to go about things, Reno," he said.  
"I got angry," Reno said. He shrugged, sitting back down.  
"And then some." Rude said. "You looked like you were going to hit her."  
Reno raised an eyebrow. "You should know, Rude, that I'd never hit a woman. No matter how fucking annoying she is."  
Rude sighed again, more deeply this time. "I know." he said gravely. "But that doesn't matter now. She's really upset."  
"There's no point chasing her." Reno pointed out. "God knows where she's goin'. Better to just deal with her tomorrow."  
"You'd better apologise." Rude said firmly. "You were pretty harsh back then."  
"Guess so." Reno replied. Stretching, he pushed his chair back and switched his laptop off. "Let's knock off now, Rude. I need a drink."  
"Yeah, me too." Rude acquiesced. He stood up and made his way over to Reno's desk, pulling his dark blue suit jacket on. "Can't stay out all night, though. I've got to write up that report on Corneo's suspected whereabouts for tomorrow."  
Reno nodded, but Rude knew he didn't really believe him. Truthfully, that report had been done for a while. Rude would be leaving the bar early tonight because he wanted to go and see Elena, try to patch things over and plead with her to stop taking those pills.  
"Good luck, Rude." Reno grinned as they left the building. "Figure you'll need it."


	2. Part two

Chapter 2

"Don't act so weak, Elena."  
"Don't talk weak, Elena."  
"You're a Turk, Elena!"  
"Toughen yourself up, sweetheart."  
"Fuck's sake, Elena, don't act so fucking weak!"

That was all Reno ever said to her. Elena closed her eyes, massaging her temples slightly. God, she missed Tseng. Tseng, who had asked her to a dinner he would never make just before he…no, she wouldn't believe he had died. Couldn't believe it. She had loved Tseng, loved him with all of her heart. Forcing back tears, she swallowed another Diazepam and willed herself to stop thinking, but she couldn't erase Reno's mantra from her head. Maybe she was weak…maybe he was right. But what use was strength with no positive channel for it? She wasn't about to start killing just for the sake of it, for fun, like Reno did. Instead, she strived to be more like Tseng. Yes, he had been ruthless, but in her heart Elena believed that he also had a kind side, a willingness to spare the innocent. In his more vitriolic moments, Reno had told her that Tseng wasn't afraid to lash out at anyone who annoyed him - women included. But she didn't want to believe that, no matter how true it might have been. In Elena's mind, Tseng was almost a sort of martyr. He certainly wasn't like Reno, whose sneering, acerbic arrogance had always irritated her. He was deep, like Rude, and someone to look up to. At the thought of Rude, Elena felt a fleeting sense of guilt. She had been sharp with him today, when he'd probably only been trying to help. Rude reminded her of Tseng, in some aspects. Elena had a great deal of respect for the tall, bald Turk; certainly, more than she held for the lazy, overconfident Reno. Yet, still she yearned to be part of their group. She knew that they had been a team for five years before she was ever on the scene, but surely they could both make an effort to include their newest colleague? Reno and Rude went out drinking after work almost every night, but they never invited her, and Elena couldn't understand why. When Tseng had still been around, he would often invite her to go with them, although he himself didn't spend too much time with his contemporaries after work ended. Another thing that bothered Elena was the fact that Reno would look every pretty woman who passed him up and down and then discuss it with Rude, but he had never done that to her. Mostly, she was thankful for this – Reno had a tendency to think of women as pieces of meat – but still, she wondered if Reno didn't consider her good enough to make a move on.

Without really caring, Elena glanced at the clock. It had just turned eleven, and Reno and Rude would still be in their regular bar, making jokes with the barman and intimidating the other customers into buying them drinks. She sighed, irritated with how long the Diazepam was taking to work. All she wanted to do was sleep, especially since she had to deal with Heidegger in the morning, and he didn't seem best pleased. She had rewritten the offending report as soon as she'd fled home from the office, ensuring every particle was correct, but she did it with no real commitment. Long gone were the days of the eager rookie, she had decided. Now she was going to be herself, no matter who it pissed off. These were nice thoughts for now, but Elena knew that tomorrow, she would once again put on the eager rookie's veneer. She would call Reno sir, Rude too. She would pretend to be emotionally detached from her work, as Reno and Rude were. She would suffer Reno's criticisms without fighting back, and she wouldn't complain when the office was enveloped in a fog of cigarette smoke. She was jolted out of her downward trajectory, however, by the door buzzer sounding. Dragging herself up from the sofa, she made her way over to the intercom.  
"Yes?"  
"Elena?" a familiar voice crackled through the speaker. "It's Rude. Can I come up?"  
"…What do you want?" Elena replied, not feeling as irritable as she sounded.  
"I just want to talk. Please?"  
Elena sighed, but pressed the button to release the door lock anyway. "Okay. Come up."

Presently, there was a knock on the door, and Rude let himself in. He smelled of smoke and liquor, but didn't seem drunk.  
"What's so important it distracted you from getting sloshed with Mr Important?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.  
"I feel really bad about earlier, Elena," Rude began. "Reno was out of line, I'm sorry."  
"It's not you who needs to apologise, Rude," Elena replied huffily. "Although I don't much enjoy being accused of drug-taking."  
Rude's eyes strayed over to the small coffee table, where there lay an assortment of medicine bottles. He said nothing, and Elena cringed when she followed his gaze. "I can explain."  
"Please do," he said. "I'm worried about you. Let's sit down."  
They sat at opposite ends of the sofa, although Rude's build took up about half of the cushions. "I can't sleep." Elena said simply.  
"I don't believe you, Elena…" Rude said quietly. "You're always taking headache pills. You're going to hurt yourself."  
"How could you understand!" Elena said, more venomously than she had meant to. "You're part of the gang. No one leaves you out. People care about you. I don't have anyone since Tseng…since he…"  
Rude blinked behind his shades. "That's why you're upset? Because we don't bring you with us every time we go out? Elena, Reno and I didn't think you'd be interested in getting drunk every night and chatting up women."  
"Well, I'm not. Not really." Elena admitted. "But it would be nice to be considered for once! Honestly, you guys never think about me at all."  
"Reno's worried about you too, you know." Rude stated. "That's why he got so angry. It's his way of showing he cares."  
"Reno doesn't care about anything but himself and getting his fixes." Elena retorted angrily. "You know for a fact he'd slit both our throats for a kilo of coke."  
"That's not true!" Rude sounded angry. "You don't know him well enough, that's all. Reno cares more than you know."  
"He's always making fun of me!" Elena snapped, folding her arms.  
"That's because he likes you." Rude said. "If Reno doesn't like someone, he just plain ignores them. He makes fun of you because he doesn't believe in being too nice."  
"Even being a little nice would be good…" Elena almost whispered. "All I hear is how weak I am."  
"Think about it, Elena," Rude said, a little more softly this time. "If you really were weak, you wouldn't be a Turk. Reno knows that only too well. Everyone knows it."  
"Well, sometimes I feel weak. All I want to do these days is sleep." Elena confessed. "The Diazepam just makes me feel better."  
"You don't need them." Rude said firmly. "You're just as good without them. Even better, in fact."  
Elena was silent for a moment, a ghost of a smile forming at the edges of her lips. "Never thought I'd hear you talk like this, Rude. I was sure you thought words were just a waste of time."  
"I…" Rude seemed stuck. "I had to say it, Elena, because you're going to do yourself some serious damage if you don't stop going on like you are."  
She smiled sleepily, all of a sudden noticing the Diazepam taking effect. "Nice…to know someone cares…"

When she awoke the next morning, Elena found all of her tablets gone, and a note on the coffee table reading simply 'Be strong.' in Rude's handwriting. She smiled faintly to herself, making a resolution then and there to quit being the rookie and start standing up for herself. After all, Rude hadn't said anything about not taking aspirin anymore…


End file.
